It’s Chuck D. Head against the evil Max D. Cap in the ultimate showdown between two guys with the same middle name and head focused identity.
That is why I chose the nintendo tape “Decap Atatck” For the sega genesis for today’s review.
LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
In the nintendo tape Decap Attack, evil MAX D. CAP has come out of the underworld (even though the normal one already looks like a underworld) to 100% wreck house on the normal world. Which is known as “Skeleton Planet” because the countries are shaped like skeleton parts. Max D. Cap blows them all the hell away from each other in the ocean so you have to become Chuck D. Head so you can go around and put them back into one whole skeleton continent again.
Here is the problem! You are only a mummy without a skull. You have a face in your belly which you use to attack monsters and kill bosses. HOWEVER! There is a secret…and the secret is you can get Chuck’s skull! When you do get his skull back you can toss it around like a weapon. But here is the thing: you can lose it again. So be careful.
I played the crap out of this game. It came out in 1990 and that was a wicked year for sure, for a lot of reasons. I got to see Total Recall, Nightbreed, and Misery. Oh!!! and Edward Sisccorhand, all in the theater.
But the best movie of them all was Edward Scissorhand, for sure. I liked how Edward was a monster who everyone hated at the beginning (and again at the end) but his girlfriend loved him even after the town turned on him and made the ending sad. but he still made it snow for her when she was old and she had a family with someone else. Because she was what was important to him, not what the idiot town people thought. Truly a bad as$ movie.
I saw it with Byron who thought it was cool when Edward killed the dude who bullied him, which I admit was pretty awesome. It was directed by Tim Burten, same guy who made Pee Wee The Big Adventure (awesome and hilarious) and BATMAN (perfect movie) so you already knew when you go in to the theater that you are in for a TREAT. and it was.
Byron’s older sister dropped us off and after the movie we were standing out front of the theater waiting for her to get back to pick us up. If you were alive back in the year of 1990, you have to remember that no one had cell phones. It was just rich people who had them and you never saw rich people in those days. Sometimes someone might have a pager, but those were pretty rare too. I didn’t even understand what pagers were for to be honest.
So after we waited for an hour with no sign of his sister and no quarters for a payphone we decided we might as well walk home. See, the movie theater was actually in the next town, across the river. There were two bridges you could take. One is on the interstate, and the other is a bridge that just goes right from one town to the other. We could walk across that one because it had a sidewalk. it was pretty new, it had been blown up (demolition not terror) when i was in fifth grade but now it was newly rebuilt. There were these metal hatches at certain points on the bridge that were access for workers to get underneath.
So one day we discovered that one of the hatches didnt have a padlock and the rest of them did. We hadn’t gone down it but we opened it one night and saw that it had a series of catwalks underneath and below those were giant nets that were made of thick green rope. Ellis dared me to climb down there and get into the net so it was just river 50 feet underneath me. But yeah right, five bucks wasnt worth that to me and I knew ellis never had five bucks anyway.
so anyway, since Carolyn never showed up we started walking through town towards the bridge. It was December and it was super cold outside so we were not thrilled. From the movie theater its about 3 miles back across to our town and our houses. Byron only lived one house away from me.
So of course while we are walking and about to get to the big set of stairs that takes you up to the bridge sidewalk a car slowed down beside us on the road. There were a bunch of older guys in the car, like seniors. They started calling us certain F words like how in those days they used to call you gay to insult you. And they were asking if we were on a date and laughing and stuff like that.
Well, nothing made byron madder than being called that stuff, i dont know why. But it really set him off. I was used to being called names it happened every single day at school but Byron was not used to it at all.
He was pretty popular in our school but these boys were not from there. So of course byron starts yelling to go f&&ck themselves, and this and that. The boys get super mad and start throwing bottles at us. I dont know if they were beer or coke bottles but they were definately glass because one hit the metal fence beside me and exploded into a million pieces with a loud POP.
This made Byron even more furious and he started screaming the way a little kid screams inside the mall when it cant have a toy.
So he is just screeeaming F word back at them, saying youre’ all p$#%ssies and this and that, and it is sounding crazy, he is so mad.
Well, the boys hit the gas and sped down to the riverfront about thirty feet away where you could park. When I saw they were going to park and probably beat our whole asses off of us, man i BOOKED it to those stairs. They are the type where you go up a flight, then turn, and go up another flight. The kind you take in a hospital when they say you cant take the elevator because its out of order. Except there were just railings no walls because it was all open air.
By that point in my life i had already taken a beating by more than one person at a time and it SUCKS A$$ let me tell you! So i was not sticking around for another one just because byron didnt like being called a name. Dum ass.
I rocketed up those stairs and was halfway up them when I heard byron yelling and running up after me. I dont know why he stayed behind to face four guys but I was not dumb enough to do the same. Well, he must have decided against it too, because when I was almost at the top and Byron was probably midway, I could hear the boys at the bottom yelling and starting to run up the stairs after us. I knew i would never out run them and there was no place to go on the bridge except straight.
Then I remembered the access hatch we found awhile back and ran to it. It still didnt have a padlock on it so i pulled it open and went down the ladder and let the hatch close over me. Byron didnt see me and he must have forgot about it because I heard him run past me overhead, and a few seconds later I heard the boys run by.
And it was pretty soon after that i heard Byron get the crap kicked out of him not too many feet away from where I sat on the catwalk below.
Really, it just sounded like byron yelling F word at them and p$%^ssy and f#$%ck you at them, which would then be interrupted by hard grunts. Real punches and kicks never sound like they do in the movies. So I wasnt surprised that the sounds of a 4 man ass beating was pretty much just cussing and grunting. I gotta hand it to him, he never once stopped yelling at them.
I’d only been part of a two guy beat down and there was a point where I was just quiet and tried to crawl away, haha.
I do remember the sound of one hit though, it sounded like a hard open handed slap. There was nothing worse than being slapped back then by another guy. I remember thinking “oh no, they slapped him” and it was shocking in a way nothing else had been during the whole encounter.
Anyway, it only lasted a few minutes until i heard them walk back over head laughing. They whooped and laughed the whole way down the stairs.
I heard Byron coughing and grunting and cussing but there was no way in hell I was coming out of that hatch and letting him know I just sat there listening to him get the sh$t kicked out of him.
I decided I would sit tight and let him get far enough ahead of me that he would just assume I made it home. Really it was nice and peaceful on the catwalks under that bridge. There were little lights along the underside of it so it wasnt too dark, and you could relax and watch the boats go by underneath of you. It was really nice at night because the town was lit up and the water looked calm and black, except for the city lights shining off it. But that made it even nicer. I always liked feeling peaceful.
I took my time and got my strength back from all the running and being scared, then walked the rest of the way home. The cool thing about being a kid back then was no one really worried if you didn’t get home on time. I was a few hours past due and no one even asked where I’d been by the time i walked in the door, so that was awesome. “Oh, no big deal mom. i just sat on the underside of a newly constructed bridge and listened to one of my best friends get the sh!t beat out of him by seniors” Haha, i would have lied anyway.
Byron was pretty much fine aside from a busted lip and a bruise on his cheek, but he still ignored me for a few days. He told everyone at school how I ran from the fight and left him to fight four guys all by himself though. But the joke was on him because people usually made fun of me anyway! Haha.
We were friends again by that weekend and we rented Total Recall for NES which sucked pretty bad.
That is why I give Decap Attack a 2/10
