(note: “on our own“ by bobby brown from the ghostbusters 2 soundtrack played on repeat as i crafted this review)
There is a new the batman movie coming out soon that looks pretty scary and serious. I like Batman when he is more into “antics” like he was in 1989 when I was 12. Then he fought the best Joker he ever fought and there was a lot of prince music. Like ALL the songs in the movie were prince songs. So it rocked. And Batman would be mysterious and kind of funny in a “i am dangerous but i have a sense of humor” kind of way. Just very Cool. The exact way I imagined I would be when I grew up.
One day my friend Byron and me got to see the Batman movie with Joker (jack nickelson) and his dad dropped us off at the movie theater and we were wondering if even ROBIN could be in it (he wasnt). And we were sure he would be. It was ok because we still liked it bc Joker was BAD as hell in it. After the movie we walked to Rallys (hamburger joint, we each had five dollars) and (in those days you could get 2 rally burger, fries and coke on five dollars) then we went back home and here is the best part: it was a sleepover night and we played bugs bunny crazy castle adventure tape until USA UP all night show starring gilbert godfrey came on…he was the host on USA network. A few years later they brought in a beautful lady name Rhonda Sheer who was also really hilarious, and they would have really funny bad movies on there.
Well let me tell you, in between the movie and before commercial they would tell jokes and make fun of the movie haha. So it was really fun.
I have been looking forward to reviewing this tape since i first started this web site!! so lets dig in.
In bugs bunny crazy castle you have to go up stairs and through lots of doors that lead you to come out of other doors. You CANNOT JUMP. Which sucks because you want to jump in every tape. You collect carrots in the room you’re in while you avoid your hated enemeies of looney tunes like Slyvester the Cat and Yosimmitty Sam, and even Wild E. Cotoyote.
When you collected enough of carrots then a treasure would appear and then you could go on to the next room of the castle where you did it again.
Well we played that tape all evening until Up all Night came on, there is like a thousand levels and not being able to jump in them at all really brings down your mood the whole time. So when Gilbert came on at 11 we were pretty excited to get back into a great mood. It worked.
The next morning byrons dad said GOOD NEWS boys! We are going on a hike. He said he already told my parents and they left the house so I had no choice. So I said ok a hike can be fun. (lie) The thing about Big Todd (byrons dad) is he only really acted happy when he was screwing you over. He was always gruff and cussed at and about everything, but if he had an idea for you to do something you were going to hate he would grin as wide as a shark. There is probably a name for that illness but I dont know it. So Big Todd having “GOOD NEWS” meant he was going to g*t off on screw*ing you over. I always liked him. Even when something sucked I usually liked people or found the funny side.
I knew a hike would suck because i was always too tired in those days. I played outside and everything a lot i was just always weak before I grew up and became strong as hell. And it was hot out!! It was the summer of Batman and if you dont remember it, it was huge. Batman was everywhere and if you were not talking about it or seeing it or playing the tape you were playing with the action figures or reading about it in magazines. So going on a hike for an hour was gonna suck. Even while playing bugs bunny castle me and Byron discussed batman constantly.
So we got dressed and into the car and Byrons mom drove me, byron, Big Todd, and little todd (byrons twin brother he was just name little todd bc he was named after the bigger one) out to where we were going to start the hike. We were going to walk all the way from there back to the house. Well here is the thing. She didn’t stop driving. She drove and drove out the old highway that leads out of town and we lived in a rural place in those days. So I was getting worried. I asked Big Todd if its too far to hike and he said dont worry because it is a lot shorter walking back because it is a shortcut. so I believed him. You can tell me just about anything and if it sounds like the truth or if I really want it to be true I will probably believe you.
We get out of the car and byrons mom leaves and we head into the woods following Big Todd. He said don’t worry, we will be back to the house in an hour after a fun hike and we can play nintendo for the rest of the day.
Three hours or so later, I was a little behind the others. I was really tired. My legs were burning after going up and down a million steep hills (after each one Big Todd would laugh and say ‘dont worry, its right past the next hill” and that really cracked him up. It was like the funiest thing on earth to him even after he had done it probably five times an hour.)
Anyway, I was maybe thirty feet back from them bc I was always out of breath. I heard Big Todd and little todd start laughing, and Bryon started crying. They were stopped on the path, we were walking through what I thought was a big wheat field at that point. it was just really tall yellow grass like up to your knees but there was a path through it.
They stopped to laugh at Byron while he cried and I caught up to them. They were standing around a black snake that was sitting there coiled up not doing anything. Byron stood there cried and cried. I asked if it bit him and Big Todd said no, he is just scared of it.
I looked back at it and it was a regular black snake. They arent poisonous or anything so I told Byron that but he got MAD at me and yelled I DON’T CARE!!!
Big Todd said look, (my real name) isn’t even scared, be a man and lets go.
You see, the other two had already walked around it and were ready to move on. but byron would not move at all. So I went ahead and walked around the snake which didnt even move and byron asked his dad to use the machete strapped to his backpack to kill it. Big Todd laughed and said “I am not going to kill that snake. I guess youre’ going to just have to stay here with it because we’re leaving”
We got about thirty feet away and byron finally caught up to us and called us all assholes. When Byron got mad he would cuss at his parents, kind of like how Big Todd would cuss at literally everything.
Big Todd laughed and said I can’t believe (my name) is braver than you. Look at you crying about a black snake. I felt pretty cool at that point because I never felt braver than anyone. And now here is Big Todd telling two people how brave I am. That was awesome.
So we took a few more hours and since no one brought any water with them, we were all dying of thirst by the time we got back. My parents were home by then so I went back to my house and took a shower because I was covered in crap from the hike. Byron was still mad at everyone for being braver than him and he went in his room and slammed his door shut anyway.
Then I layed down on my bed and played with my batman figures until I fell asleep.
I never took a hike with Byron’s dad again.
That is why I give Bugs Bunny and the Crazy Castle a 10/10
Crap this was a batman review. Okay sorry. Ill fix that. 1989 bobby brown rocks.
