Letter #1
Dear Dr. Mr. Nintendotapes,
I have a have been with my wife for 15 years. For the past 5 months I have been sleeping with a coworker. I need to curse my wife to disappear. How do I curse my wife without cursing myself? I know everyone believes whatever I say so thats not a problem. I just need this curse to not effect my daily routine
Sincerely,
Suffering In Ohio
(Location Not Given)
Dear Suffering,
I’m sorry to hear your wife is being cheated on! Poor lady. What the heck caused you to become such a villain???????
Please do not cast a curse! I saw Stephen King’s “Thinner” and let me tell you they are scary as hell. You never know what you’re gonna get with a curse. I think she is cursed enough by being cheated on personally! Cursed with a husband who has Designs on her.
Maybe you should fix your own heart and think about what if you were nice to her! The curse will effect your daily routine by deducting points from your SOUL on the Anubis Scale of Bad Vibes!
And one more thing! Buster!
Is this really Monica? Because what you are describing is exactly what happened with me and an ex and I have cast wards against her so if this is her in disguise I WILL call cops!!! Monica!!!
Sincerely,
Dr. Mr. Nintendotapes
(if that was Monica I will call cops and I do not like cops.)
Letter # 2
Dear Dr. Mr. Nintendotapes
I turn 60 years old in 3 weeks. My problem is I’ve always wanted to learn SCUBA but I feel like sixty is too old to do it. So I’m considering skipping the qualifications for it so I can hit up Sandals for some unlicensed SCUBA parties before the big Six-Oh. I’ve always been a reserved individual but now that my youth is about to expire I feel like it’s time for one last hurrah.
Thank you,
Nervous in Jacksonville
Dear Nervous,
I get it! Totally. Who wouldn’t want to just skip boring school and head straight into the deep waters of adventure?! Well I will tell you who, and it is ME.
Listen here. I was made to watch Jaws at 5 years old so I KNOW what lurks beneath the waves. And it is millions of hungry sharkmouths all lined with razor sharp teeth in their pointed or hammer shaped heads.
Do you want to get EATEN and even worse CRAPPED OUT.
Because that is what is waiting for you if you SCUBA swim!!!
I couldn’t walk on blue carpet for WEEKS afterward! That is how scary just one shark can be.
And those big metal SCUBA suits with the air tubes stuck to your helmet going back up to the ship are not going to let you escape at all when (not if) Jaws come for you.
So please reconsider. I know you are very old but you could have some years left if you just stay home and pass your 60th with friends and family and not the sharks.
Best wishes,
Dr. Mr. Nintendotapes
As always send me your questions, thoughts, complaints, whatever to mrnintendotapes@gmail.com !! i will answer every single one.