Tommy isn’t sick he just has a big ball of tobaccho chew in his mouth. It is not a grandma lump like I thought when I was a kid. It is his hobby.
When I got Genesis at home as a kid the last thing I wanted to play was a sports game. Not when I had kick ass tapes like “the last battle” and “columns”. You know that your gensisis is already capable of powerhouse games so why would I want a game I could play outside if i wanted to and could run without getting tired too fast. But my friend Byron got this one so we did a trade. I gave him the last battle tape for a week and he had this and columns and the much sought after mickey mouse vs. the castle of illusion. But there was no way he would give me that tape so i didn’t even ask. (I left his offer open ended…secretly hoping he would say “you can borrow micky” but instead he just handed me tommy lasorda baseball. So that was already a sad ending but anyway i played it.
i dont really understand rules of baseball and never learned them and i could never hit the ball. it was 1989 and even though i had a starting line up figure of bo Jackson later on (“bo knows” fever hit me really hard and i had a poster of him in football pads and holding a bat) i hated all sports including this dumb baseball tape.
When I got home from school i went to a meeting name “AWANA” it stood for something about god or jesus, it was like a church meeting for kids but not the one on sunday which I refused to go to. I went with my friend ellis because there was a girl from school who went there that he liked and he didn’t want to go alone. I wasn’t a religious kid or from a religious house at all so this stuff was pretty weird to me. When we were leaving that night we were talking to Pastor Roy (if you called him Roy he got irritated) about something I don’t remember what but at the end of the talk he went into the church office.
As we walked home Ellis said “I bet there is a lot of money in that office in the church” and i said maybe, I don’t know. Ellis said well they donate money all the time so I bet they keep it in there. I said OK. I knew what he as getting at. He was going to ask me to help him break into that church and steal money aka he was going to have me do it. But to my surprise he dropped it (for now, another story for that later) and suggested we go around and steal hood ornaments off cars. We met up with my friend Byron who also lived on the block and Ellis mentioned the hood ornaments to him and I was suprised but byron was into it. I just said im not doing that i am going HOME. So I did while they both yelled a bunch of crap at me, like I was a coward and a baby and a p***ssy. things like that.
The next day Byron’s mom called and asked if I knew where he was the day before. I lied and said no, he hung out with Ellis but I went home. Turns out while stealing a whole shoebox full of hood ornaments they stopped at one of our other friends house a few blocks away and told him what they were doing. Then that guys’ dads hood ornament went mysteriously missing. It did not take detective powers of Columbo to figure out who did it. So they were both grounded for weeks and had to do some kind of community service and their parents had to pay for the repairs of a bunch of cars. This was in the old days when most cars had a hood ornament that stuck right up off the front of the car. They dont do that now mostly it’s just a sticker i think. It still works just as good to show off what kind of car you bought. Which people love to do even though they didn’t even build it themselves which is what would make me proud about having a car.
The next day at school they were bragging about how tough they were and that they got in trouble with the cops and they told everyone that I was a huge baby who wouldn’t go with them. people made fun of me for being a wimp and when I said hi to April who’s locker was next to mine that day she sprayed me in the face with hairspray and stamped my toe.
All I did was say hi.
This is why I give Tommy Lasorta Baseball a 7 out of 10.
