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Nintendo Tape Reviews

Review: Act Raiser

The power of bible is broken, and satan is the master of earth now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are a lot of fake people you will meet in this life! Some of them will be fake to get money from you or be fake to get you to love them and then they’ll say “ha! dum ass! got you good!”. it is ok it is the way of the universe. all energies are necessary to hold this reality together and even the fakes have their purpose! maybe i just tell myself that because it easier to accept, ha ha.

We have all known fake people. But did you know there is a tape where you can build a whole fake world for fake little people to live in, the kind of fake people who will never tell you that you are special then treat you like you are unspecial DIRT?? or steal your credit card number!!!

Well there is a tape like that, and you don’t mind to build a nice little society in it because the little fake people are the type who wont hurt you or steal from you ever! So it is a much better way of exploring humanity. And they pray to you and bring you offerings to power you up because you are their god and they will obey your commands! Which helps you feel better in life. And stronger. And theres’ bad a$$ music.

That is why today’s review is the nintendo bible tape “Act Raiser”

are you a god! (yes) i hope you enjoyed my official refernce to “Ghostbusters” movie.

In the beginning you are awoken by a little cupid angel (naked). He tells you that satan (using a fake name in this game, marvurko or something I think) sealed you away for a long time and your planets’ people died off. Well, now you are back and you have to birth a new generation of humans so they can plant crops and bring you offerings and pray to you. The more humans you make and the more prayers you get, the stronger you will be when you face Lord Satan at the end of the tape. That is the way of God, and the way of bible. To become stronger and make the humans worship you. It is gods job.

thank you angel baby cupid. now I am ready to wake up and birth new people. do not shoot me with your love arrows! hee hee. because loving people only makes it hurt.

When you begin the game the world is over run with demons from hell!!! So as god, you infect a warrior statue with your power and bring it to life. Then you can work through the first level and kill demons and the boss at the end of the level. When you get that done, you will have a safe area for your people to live. It is important to kill demons in this game because they want to murder your people in your villages to bring more souls to satans army.

you can hope your society wont once again evolve to the point where they say things like “living my best life” because if they dont you wont have to feel embarrassed for what you’ve created.

Pastor roy ALWAYS warned about satans army in bible club name AWANA. but the things he said that made you a part of satans’ army always seemed unfair. so I never really believed him. he said if you dated the wrong people that you could be in satans army. guess what there are no ‘wrong people”” imo…unless you mean bullies and killers, and who wants to date those anyway!!!!!!!!! if a14 years old can see that your teachings are dumb and youre pastor roy then maybe you should rethink your lessons! oh well. satans army is a good enemy for this nintendo tape anyway.

you infect this statue with your god power the way pastor roy would try and infect us with the idea that guys who like guys or girls who like girls are bad. (guess what their not) i think pastor roy was a villain the more i think about it. weird. they shouldnt let bad guys act like there your friend..more fakeness that the world has, everything is a lesson.

After you clear level one demon area, you start with two humans. (adam and eve) at garden of eden. Since your god, you did this once before many years ago before satan beat you up and trapped you away. So you remember how to create two people. Then they go inside their temple and you can get to tell them to build roads and have s*x so they can create a society. So they do, and the more you make them build huts and stuff, the more they have se*x and make more people, then THOSE people do MORE sex* with each other and make MORE babies. BUT!!!! there is danger, because as you fly around the map as Cupid, there are hell portals that demons come out of. They will try and steal your people and drag them to hell! So you have to use the power of “Cupids’ Arrow” to defeat them.

little naked cupid baby says NO! to demons. it is fun to fly him around except if you fly him up the screen you can see his naked but. dont let your parents see they will think its a dirty game!!!!! and it isnt’. its innocent baby cupid naked, that is ok to have in a tape.

Your goal is to build roads to the demon portals so your little humans can seal them closed using the power of prayer (your power, you are god and you grant it to them, they are your vessels and you are their master)

When you seal all portals on each map then you fight a boss demon and then move to a new country to start again. When you finish doing that over and over in every country, you have a whole earth full of people worshipping and praying to you. So you are powerful again and you hope that there are no bad guys pretending to be good guys in your new world infecting kids with bad ideas like doing it before their married is going to make them burn forever in h3ll. only good vibes for your little yas queens. (dont let them evolve to say those things)

time is up for you! satan!!!!!! god has come back and he is here to kick your crap right back up your idiot butt. so get ready to get re-crapped in front of everyone! LOL!

In the end you defeat satan and your fake people are happy. They will pray to you forever now, and you will be drunk from their energy for all time. But if you let them start having “world wide web” in the 1990s then I advice that you dont let them invent “soacial media” because everyone will start making up dumb sayings then repeating them to each other but act like they are the first ones to ever say it. and don’t let them invent dating world wide web sites either!!!!!! because i don’t want to do that again and get hurt!!!!!! just do not let them have internet let them play ultima vi on their pc forever, it is good enough for them.

Dont let them fall in love. that is why i give ActRaiser for super nintendo tape system a 1/10!!!!!!!!! do not go on date sights.